


The Battle Before the Fight

by LadySorcha



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2012-10-15
Packaged: 2017-11-16 09:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySorcha/pseuds/LadySorcha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke decides Anders fate, after he blows up the Chantry. (friendmanced)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Battle Before the Fight

Hawke stands behind Anders looking at him. Emotions flickering across her face too fast to recognize. Her hand is clenched around one of her daggers. Her hand shaking and her knuckles white.

Anders sits on a small crate. Head bowed and hands clasped in his lap. A pained look on his face. Occasionally blue flashes through his eyes and a look of triumph ghosts across his face. The blue never gets further than his eyes. He wants to be there, be present when she kills him. He doesn’t want to hurt her more than he has. He has to stay in control so Justice doesn’t fight back…

“You always said you’d hurt me. I never believed you,” she says her voice carefully neutral.

“For what it’s worth I’m sorry.”

“Anders…” her voice catches on his name. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He gives a heavy sigh. His voice weary as he says, “I didn’t want you implicated. Everyone knows we’re lovers. They know you support the mages. They would have accused you of aiding me if they hadn’t seen your reaction. They needed to see your shock and disbelief. They needed to see your anger. It was the only way to keep you safe.”    

“So…you were worried about my safety? Not about me foiling your plans. You’ll forgive me if I find that a bit hard to believe,” she says in a bitter voice. “You know after you lied to me. Then you used me to help you gather the ingredients, distract the Grand Cleric, and then blow up the bloody Chantry.”

He nods. “I know…  At first I didn’t tell you because I was afraid you’d stop me. Then as you got more frustrated with how the mages were treated I didn’t want to tell you, because I was afraid you’d want to help. Then I knew I could never tell you. No matter what you did I would have found a way to do it. I couldn’t let you get caught in this…”

“Anders I’m caught in the bloody middle of this.  They’re all leaving it up to me to decide your fate.”

“Before you kill me I just want you to know my love for you was true…” His voice catches and he swallows before continuing. “I have never loved anyone the way I love you. Throughout everything you have been the one bright light in my life. I don’t regret what I did…it needed to be done. But believe me when I say the biggest regret in my life is hurting you.”

“Anders,” her voice catches on his name. Her eyes shine with unshed tears. She slowly unsheathes her dagger. They both flinch at the sound. She rests the flat of the blade on his shoulder. The edge so close to his throat that when he takes a breath it presses into his flesh.

He makes no move to run or defend himself. He appears calm. The only thing that gives him away is his nails digging into his palms so hard they bleed, and emotion flickering in his eyes as he battles for control over Justice.  Her breaths are ragged and her body trembling. Then she gasps and throws the dagger away from her. It hits the ground with a clang. They both stare at it. Neither of them moving until it lies still and the noise dies.

Then she hits him. Her breath hitching as she fights back sobs. Her blows falling on his shoulder and back. He flinches with each one, but through it all he just sits there. The battle still going on his eyes. Each blow is weaker than the last. Until she falls against his back. Her arms going around his neck. A single tear falls from her eye and lands on his hand. He stares at it and the battle in his eyes stops. His golden eyes filled with shock.

“I can’t do it.  I love you too bloody much. Though Maker help me I don’t know why right now…”

“You mean you still want to be with me?” he asks incredulously.

“Apparently. Now you’re going to help me clean up your mess. And if anyone tries to touch you I’ll kill them. Now kiss me before I come to my senses.”

So he does.

 


End file.
